KeeKee gets into mischief

A baby and a box of tissues. Need I say more??

Keeley loves getting into the cupboards. We have locked up the ones that we can, but some of them are just free game.

On this day, she was actually climbing right in and sitting down.

Which was all fun and games until she decided she wanted out, and that six inch ledge was just a little too frightening.

Her poor, sad little snotty nosed face! Sadly, this is the face I see more often than not, because lately she just is not very happy. If I stand up, she is right there with me crying and pulling on my leg. If I sit down, she cries for me to pick her up and as soon as I do, she is squirming and trying to get down. When I let her down, she immediately starts crying and wants me to pick her up. And this cycle repeats All. Day. Long. She wakes up grouchy and she goes to bed grouchy.
Last night when I went to rock her before bed, she actually snuggled in on my shoulder and layed there. I was like, what the heck?! Usually, I sit down to rock her for a minute and she is arching and pushing and struggling to get away. After a couple minutes of this, I lay her in her bed and she goes to sleep. Which is nice, but she does not snuggle or hug. Ever. Very rarely, she will give kisses.
Then this morning came another shocking moment. I was laying in bed feeding her and she sat up and looked around. Then she decided she was done eating and she lay down by me and snuggled up to me. And she stayed there and let me hug her! That hasn't happened, like ever. Usually, as soon as she is done eating, she is sliding off the edge of the bed and running.
I realize this sounds like I am complaining, and sure, I am. But I also thought it might be helpful to remember this info for when Keeley is all grown up and taking care of her own difficult, fussy toddler, and I can remember a little bit what that was like. And also I can say, "Hey, if anyone deserves it..."

My Life Last Week

Okay peeps, I'm going to be more real and honest here than usual. If topics like ovaries, miscarriages, and infertility bother you, then maybe you better just scoot on by this post. And that's okay.

Most of my friends probably already know this, but we have fertility issues. It took 2 1/2 long years of trying, numerous doctor appointments and tests, clomid, surgery, charting every single aspect of my life, and lots and lots of prayers before we got our little Sareny. It was difficult emotionally and physically. I felt really blessed to get Isaac and Finley here with considerably less stress. A year ago December, we lost what would have been our fourth little miracle. I was disappointed, but we moved on.

Now here we are more than a year later with no little baby forthcoming, and I gotta tell you, it has been hard. With each passing month, I have felt the loss of that baby more and more. At Christmastime this past year while browsing the ornaments in the Hallmark store, I got choked up when I looked at the Baby's First Christmas ornaments, knowing I would have been selecting one of those if things had been different. At Panda Express recently, I was checking out their zodiac calendar and observed that we had a rat, a dog, a monkey, and felt tears coming as I thought, we would have had a tiger.

When we moved into our house this past summer, I decided I couldn't take driving an hour to my fertility doctor anymore, and we were done. If Heavenly Father meant for our family to have another baby, then it would come. If not, then we would be a family of five. I tried to be happy with that, but I couldn't help holding out the hope that there was another one for us. Two weeks ago, I returned to my doctor after my 8 month absence not expecting to continue fertility treatment. But when the Dr. did an ultrasound of my ovaries and said they were covered with cysts (I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and on my own would be lucky to ovulate once a year, I pictured saying, "Okay, we're done." and that just didn't feel right. My other option was surgery, and before I knew it, I found myself setting up the surgery for March 29th. Without consulting my husband, who, as far as he was concerned, felt fine with our family of five. Luckily he came around to my way of thinking. :)

So last Tuesday, I had laparscopic surgery to remove the cysts and poke a bunch of holes in my ovaries. It would be nice if this ordeal leads to a baby, but strangely, having this surgery has somehow answered my constant questions. As I lay in my bed healing and contemplating life, I realized whether I end up with three children or four, I am okay.