Okay peeps, I'm going to be more real and honest here than usual. If topics like ovaries, miscarriages, and infertility bother you, then maybe you better just scoot on by this post. And that's okay.
Most of my friends probably already know this, but we have fertility issues. It took 2 1/2 long years of trying, numerous doctor appointments and tests, clomid, surgery, charting every single aspect of my life, and lots and lots of prayers before we got our little Sareny. It was difficult emotionally and physically. I felt really blessed to get Isaac and Finley here with considerably less stress. A year ago December, we lost what would have been our fourth little miracle. I was disappointed, but we moved on.
Now here we are more than a year later with no little baby forthcoming, and I gotta tell you, it has been hard. With each passing month, I have felt the loss of that baby more and more. At Christmastime this past year while browsing the ornaments in the Hallmark store, I got choked up when I looked at the Baby's First Christmas ornaments, knowing I would have been selecting one of those if things had been different. At Panda Express recently, I was checking out their zodiac calendar and observed that we had a rat, a dog, a monkey, and felt tears coming as I thought, we would have had a tiger.
When we moved into our house this past summer, I decided I couldn't take driving an hour to my fertility doctor anymore, and we were done. If Heavenly Father meant for our family to have another baby, then it would come. If not, then we would be a family of five. I tried to be happy with that, but I couldn't help holding out the hope that there was another one for us. Two weeks ago, I returned to my doctor after my 8 month absence not expecting to continue fertility treatment. But when the Dr. did an ultrasound of my ovaries and said they were covered with cysts (I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and on my own would be lucky to ovulate once a year, I pictured saying, "Okay, we're done." and that just didn't feel right. My other option was surgery, and before I knew it, I found myself setting up the surgery for March 29th. Without consulting my husband, who, as far as he was concerned, felt fine with our family of five. Luckily he came around to my way of thinking. :)
So last Tuesday, I had laparscopic surgery to remove the cysts and poke a bunch of holes in my ovaries. It would be nice if this ordeal leads to a baby, but strangely, having this surgery has somehow answered my constant questions. As I lay in my bed healing and contemplating life, I realized whether I end up with three children or four, I am okay.
6 days ago